Funerals are for the Living
“Funerals are for the Living” is a quote you may hear often. What about when the person living, is the one having a funeral?
That’s right, the living wake. The living funeral. I was asked about this in a recent interview, a part of my podcast series, where I spoke about “My Why”.
Is the opportunity to perform a living wake a part of My Why? Find out!!
Link to listen here 16. #MYWhy – Welcome to 2024 and get to know why I do this (buzzsprout.com)
It was a question without notice, however I was very exited to tell my interviewer all about the one living wake / living funeral which I was a part of, as it had a huge impact on me, and I am sure the others who were present. Not to mention the most important person within the living wake, the one who passed.
Kellie had cancer. She had fought it into remission several times. It returned a third time and wouldn’t budge. She was pragmatic however and she knew that she needed to embrace the last stanza of her life and she did it with such a magnificent attitude.
Kellie took the option of Voluntary Assisted Dying, (another matter which I will be blogging about in the future) and about a week before she took this option for the comfort of her move from this life into the next, she had a gathering in the Chapel of her Palliative Care Hospice.
A change in the style of service, because of a change in her circumstances.
Originally, she and her husband had planned on renewing their vows, before they knew just how unwell she would end up, and we had been planning that as an or outdoor ceremony, potentially even at their home. However as things progressed, we changed the wording and atmosphere of the celebration of life, with her present. In a sparkly gown, sitting in here wheelchair and with her medication for the hour or so we celebrated her balanced so perfectly by doctors so she could be lucid, we all told her how much we loved her. We still renewed the vows, but not so formally, we simply spoke about the beauty of the original wedding ceremony and the love shared by husband and wife, life companions.
But then we spoke about life. The impact she had had on so many. The way she listened deeply to others and possessed such empathy, passion and understanding. How it was obvious from the first time we all met her, that we would end up loving her.
People took turns to share a little story or antidote about Kellie and she listened and enjoyed the stories and reflections I’m sure.
Then, we all hugged her, told her again individually how much we loved her, would miss her and how much she had impacted our lives in a positive way.
The feeling when she did pass, after the living wake had happened
Later that week, her husband phoned to say she had slipped away. With her dogs on her bed, with hopefully the love in her heart from that living wake, which for me, was so powerful. I like to think it was for her also.
When she did pass, I felt peaceful, I didn’t feel as sad as I may have, if we had not had the opportunity to have the living wake for her. I had a feeling of acceptance which I think can only come from leaving nothing unsaid. It’s awful that cancer took our friend but I feel there was great advance healing in the living wake.
Then when we had her memorial a few weeks later, down the river, in her favourite spot, where she used to walk her dogs, it felt like she would be there watching, nodding her head, at all the wonderful things we almost were able to repeat from what we had told her face to face, in the living moment. Because funerals, can be, literally, for the living.
