Why do we find it so hard to talk about death?
It’s the one thing we will all achieve in our life. Not everyone will become a Billionaire, damn!! We won’t all get married, or have children, we may not all even be able to read this post. But we will ALL die.
That’s right, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but we’re all going to die. But why is it “bad news”? Surely it’s just a thing, a part of life, that we can embrace, plan even.
However it is certainly still the “I don’t want to think about it” topic. Taboo, not discussed, scary, awful, confronting.
I began working in the funeral industry in 2014, I was instantly drawn to the role, the true vocation of helping people and I felt comfortable sitting in that space. I wasn’t scared, I was calm. But this is not how most people feel when they speak about death, think about death, even hear the word “death”.
It means the end, finite, finale, over. However, if we look at it like we look at birth, maybe, just maybe we could embrace it a little.
With a few subtle differences (you don’t know when and how you are going to die of course), death is the same as birth, a process which is bestowed upon all humans. We all come into this world differently and we leave differently, but we all arrive, and we all depart.
When you have a baby, as a parent you plan and chat to others. You may have a “birth plan”. Including timing, special people, a professional being present, music, candles, where you want it to happen of course. What will happen in the days and weeks leading up to, and following? Who will help me on the day? Have you packed your bag yet?
You may read blogs and books, attend classes and ask others who have experienced it before you. You’ll have a party or a shower, before and after.
You’ll celebrate the day of that birth, forever.
After the birth, as a parent you may also meet others in your area who have been through a birth at a similar time to you. You may form social groups like “mothers groups” for support, stimulation and to confirm that you indeed are not going mad, now that you have given birth, to ask weird questions, to feel less alone.
But when we or a loved one dies, it’s often the opposite, isolating. No-one wants to talk, a few professionals will help you, but it’s often unresearched, thrust upon you AFTER the fact. No-one rubbing your belly, no-one asking about names and where you’re having the death, what about painkilling drugs? Natural? Home Death? How exciting, have you prepared the funeral yet? Will you play music and burn sage?
But why not? Death is inevitable, a certainty, going to happen to us all.
So if you knew about any other life changing event and did nothing, didn’t even TALK about it with others, what would happen? You and your loved one’s would feel overwhelmed, underprepared and chaotic.
This is the emotion/s we are trying to remove with a groundswell of “Let’s talk about Death” mini mavericks, like myself.
So that you can just focus on remembering. Making them comfortable. Planning and talking about wishes. Music, beautiful moments shared before, during and after the death.
That’s what this blog will be about, and the podcast of course which I have created to accompany my passion for talking about death, dying, the professions which surround it and of course the personal stories.
Stay tuned. I’m dying to talk, and I hope you will be too, once you know more.
xx Ingrid
Creator of the #HashtagDeath Podcast; Funeral Celebrant; Counsellor and Family Death Care Advocate
To find out more about me, click on the “who” tab:
Who is Ingrid Reiger and Forever Now? | Forever Now
